mikiya2200 (mikiya2200) wrote,

I give up

I have been dreading this day for three seasons now.

I knew it would come, I guess I knew it from the day when Cas mentioned Lucifer for the first time. I knew then that this show would take a turn that might make me lose my interest. I tried to ignore it, I stuck to the show and the story and the brothers cause I had faith in the writers and I was so damned sure they'd find a way to pull this off without making me hate it. No, I'm not a religuous person, I'm an atheist and I'm actually very interested in the Christian religion (and others, too) and even though I never really liked the way the show handled Christianity (especially not in seasons 5 and 6), well, I gave them a chance.

Shouldn't have done that.

You know, I once read somewhere that one of the reasons they felt they had to kill John was the fact that he'd become such a strong character that he would steal from the boys' focus and take the story away from Sam and Dean. I have no idea if that's true, but that's not the point, the point is that over time the damned angel/god-storyline took over the show and the writers had... or chose to bend and twist the boys to be able to fit them in. There are so many issues I have with how the boys turned out in the last seasons I can't even begin to start naming them. Dean (my Dean) is not a self-centered, hypocratic looser who would ever allow a supernatural being to get between him and his brother, no matter how many angels put up a fight to get him out of Hell. Sam (my Sam), who has been afraid from virtually day one of the show that there is something about him that kills other people, would never start to drink demon blood, no matter what demon got into his pants. And then to have this character change happen behind closed doors and use it to shock the viewer at the end of the season.... Okay, not my topic right now.

Anyways, I stuck to the show, hoping and praying that they might remember what made the show so special in the first place, and after promises and even more promises each season that it would get better... it never did. Not for me. If season 4 had been fanfiction (and therefore missing the eye candy that are Sam and Dean) I would have stopped watching-- reading pretty much after discovering that there are angels in the story now and people are supposed to become vessels.

During season 5 I started skipping episodes, or watching them while doing something else and season 6... I don't know much about season 6 except that I really, somehow, loved robo!Sam, the best episode was the one where they are thrown into the other reality with Sam and Dean trying to "act" and that this year's season finale had me laughing so hard I couldn't calm down for an hour after it. And, yes, I know Cas' speech at the end was supposed to shock me. (I still think Misha deserves an award for getting those lines out without bursting out laughing...)

For three seasons now I've resorted to ignoring s4-6 for my fanfics (mostly), they are not part of my personal canon. And this, today, now is the first day where I sat down to work on one of my fics to finally bring it to an end... and I couldn't. I already have a thousand words for the next chapter and I've been looking forward to getting to exactly this point in the fic pretty much from the very first moment I realized I was turning it into a longer story and not just a one-shot... but I can't.

At first I thought it was, once again, some kind of writer's block (since I've been having trouble with the story from time to time) but it isn't, I know what will happen, I hear the dialogue in my head, I know where I want to go with the story... but I can't. And it doesn't stop there, I've started my own, private Big Bang, I even have an artist willing to do art for me for that one *hugs kiscinca* and I've finished the first chapter and was looking sooo forward to doing it... but nada, nothing.

I think I'm very much on my way to breaking with the show for good and, right now, I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. You know, losing interest in the show for the characters and their story is one thing, losing interest in the characters themselves and writing about them, that is something I don't know. I have always ideas and stories and plot twists in my head, no matter where the show went, that never stopped me from writing those ideas down and playing with the characters, having them act in a way that made sense to me even when the show wouldn't do that anymore.

And it's not me losing interest in writing. There's this character on an other show I'm practically dying to write about, he's tickling my writer's thoughts in a way that not even John has been able to lately. (Wow, I can't believe I just wrote that, hun, if you're reading this: I need help!)

I don't know what to do.

Tags: supernatural, thoughts on writing, writer's block

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